Back in the day when I'd be having a quiet lol to myself watching The Office (and more recently the US version until Netflix decided to ruin my life by prematurely removing it) I never considered that I would one day actually be working in one.
Here are 10 things I've learnt since then...
1. This is the hardest place in the world to be on a diet. Regularly replenished biscuit tin? Check. Never miss a birthday cake? Check. Help yourself to home made goodies? Check. Surviving a diet in an office should have its own section on your CV, pat yourself on the back girl!
2. You will develop freaky super senses like a sense of smell that could rival a wild bear. What's that whiff I can sniff? Ah, they're cooking bacon in the canteen four floors down. Ooh Steven all the way over there in the corner you thought you'd be safe cracking open your boiled eggs before 9 o'clock, right? Wrong my friend!
3. As a collective you will never agree on the room temperature. For an ice queen like myself, summer is a gruelling battle between dressing appropriately for the battle of the century - my sweaty pits vs. SUB-ZERO ICE BLAST air con. My sweaty pits win every time.
4. You will become so familiar with your colleagues dietary habits that you will wonder did I actually birth these people out of my own vagina?
5. People like to sing out loud. And they really don't give a shit that you maybe you might not want to listen to their rendition of Black Eyed Peas - My Humps on repeat. You can either think 'sod it' and join in or slowly count to 10 whilst you reflect on why you didn't try harder at uni.
6. Being asked for a quick word will still send shivers of The Fear down your spine just like those mum texts saying 'we need a chat'. SEND HELP THEY'VE CHECKED MY INTERNET HISTORY oh wait no it's fine just checking what time I'm taking lunch today.
7. Say goodbye to not being a morning person because that ship sailed a long time ago. No hour is too early for an in-depth conversation about parking spaces with Sue from upstairs. Wipe those bleary eyes because hell YES you're a morning person now, come at me Sue!
8. Business jargon is the epitome of lame. Take it offline? Take a rusty nail to the eyeball if I hear 'going forward' one more time. Ain't nobody got time for that.
9. You will be looking fly af in the beginning with your sassy independent woman vibes. Fast forward a few months and it's an accomplishment that you woke up in time to brush your hair and choose a different bra to the one you've been rockin' the past 3 weeks.
10. Perfecting the furrowed-brow-concentrating-on-work-deffo-not-on-ASOS face when your manager walks by is first and foremost an art form and let's be honest, it's a way of life.
So as much as you might want to throw your telephone cord out the window and abseil down to escape sometimes, the office is a weird and wonderful place to be. Where else can you be wished a cheery 'Good morning!' twenty times and have infinite cups of tea without lifting a finger?
It's not all that bad I suppose...